Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in Carson Kinross' LiveJournal:

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
9:47 am	Carson, 2053 Whispers in the dark, I know them well. The deep nasty little secrets I don't like to tell. They haunt me before I sleep. In my mind there is a thousand bloated corpses of the lies I've told. I killed them in the end, nearly destroying myself. Yet they linger still. Ghost fingers digging through my brain. Cold to the touch and achingly familiar. I cannot shake what I am. I've tried, more times then I can count. When insanity breaks upon the shore of who you are, you realize there is no point. You can only accept what you are. There is no evil in this. Sanity tempered with cold razor edge of rationality guides me now. My mind is clear, what will happen I will not challenge. I have done my part, those I leave behind will have to accept thiers. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 20th, 2002
6:57 am	Sleep....would be a good thing at the moment. Granted, its something I don't usually need, but I've felt tired, almost worn down for the past week. Part of it, I think, is because I'm feeling guilty. Why? Showing little sister what I do, and how I do it isn't exactly healthy. She wants to learn, but thats besides the point, why would I want anyone else to play the games I play? Its a way of getting back at my mother I suppose. Here's another one of her children, this one though, has had a ideal childhood, and still she does this. Sometimes I can't help but laugh, others I'm incrediably sorry. Things like this usually don't get to me, I most be having one of my "lucid" periods agains. Its getting harder to define myself without the mask, sometimes its hard to tell who I really am. I'm just tired, I think I'll disappear for a couple of days. Current Mood: drained (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 27th, 2001
11:25 am	I have the strangest feeling that someone is watching me. I know some people think I've got a severe case of paronia anyway,this is not the case.I am infact,used to being watch and my every move traced.Tonight,however,was different. It had been calm the last couple of weeks,I have been staying out of trouble and by now I'm sure most of the syndicate is either wondering whats up or praying.I've been busy renovating the warehouse Arick bought from my newest "vision" and have been,more often then not staying until the wee hours of the morning. Maybe its just because I'm tired or maybe I really have lost it totally.I think someone is seriously fucking with me.Twice I saw her or "it" out of the corner of my eye.It was a fleeting glimpse at best but it looked like the bitch was wearing my mask.Everytime I went to look it no one had been there,a ghost?Hardly.These incidents perisisted all night.I dont know,I really dont and I hate it.I dont know what the fuck I'm going to do now. Current Mood: discontent (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 8th, 2001
12:23 pm	You know..sometimes I feel like some warped fucked up version of Peter Pan.Except I never got to be a child and I'll never grow old.What the hell am I then?Yeah I harp on it,wouldnt you?Or maybe I just get from my fathers side of the family,hell..their the best when it comes to dramatics and blaming other people.Ah,screw it,I've got things to do.Its getting late and its about time to start painting the town red. Current Mood: indescribable (Comment on this)
Monday, August 6th, 2001
12:24 pm	I have to go see my father. I havent seen him in twenty years. I thought of him as dead. I wanted to keep it that way...and now?Someone wants to kill my "family",why the hell dont I just let them?,because if anybody is going to hurt them,its going to be me.I dont care how it sounds,its the truth.I hate this.Someone is going to pay for this.I really hope I can control myself,if not..who knows what will happen. Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 1st, 2001
1:30 pm	Love?Ha...any other time I would have told you it was a fucking stupid word.Now?Well..I cant really say.I never expected Arick to love me,and I'm certain everyone else did,apparently I'm still blind as ever to somethings.Do I love him?Yes,in my own strange way I do.Its odd these feelings I'm experiencing yet they are a welcome change.Being content was something I never expected to feel..or the slightest bit of peace that allows me to sleep for part of the night,and to be honest it scares me.Why?Because something can be taken away...again..and it'll hurt..again.If that happens,who knows what'll I do. Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
11:25 am	Experssion.It comes naturally in most forms and is inherit in our nature,something that cannot be drilled out...but it can be changed.I know this from personal experiance and never realized how much I changed untill I was confronted with the simple question of "How do you feel?".As is,this question does tend to throw most of us for a loop,but most dont knock a persons teeth out for a answer.They taught me well...too well,its no longer words I rely on to voice my feelings,it is my actions.I know how to hurt and kill on levels some people could only dream of,or,rather,have nightmares of.Each blow I give,either mental or physical is meant to take a person apart so they cannot be put together again.I am good at what I do,I know this well for it only takes my name to be mentioned to make many feel there mortality.I am sister to death and fear..and my actions speak far louder then my words ever did. Current Mood: cynical (Comment on this)